Unicorns, mermaids, phoenixes, and at the top of the pile, that most wonderful of non-existent things: independent media.
Disputes in the EU come with the territory. Twenty-seven countries with vastly differing histories, countries which have all arrived at the EU via vastly differing paths.
When we think of disputes connected to Hungary and this part of the world, then we know, that a media smokescreen will cover the true source of the argument. Whenever the EU takes us to task, it's always because we don't swallow what they want us to.
We’re allowed to have different views, but only up to a pre-defined level. A level which is defined by the EU. After that we have to be punished.
Of late, the EU have had a problem with Hungary's ruling parties representing what their populations demand – an idea which fell out of fashion in the West many moons ago.
The EU feel the need to force us to toe a line that they, not their populations have chosen. To this end, they ramp up the Western liberal media machine to try to convince the world that we are nasty, spiteful, primitive, ill-educated, immoral fools.
They seem to have forgotten that some of us still remember when people in the West thought just the way we do now.
The liberal media have taken to the task of painting us blacker than black, like a duck to water. These days, the liberal media peddle the idea that people in the West are more liberal, more open-minded, more socially mature than the poor sods to be found over here. It’s a lie of immense proportions.
The difference concerning liberal ‘values’ which exists between the West and the East lies not in the respective populations, but in the behaviour of political actors.
Political actors in the West have come to the conclusion that it’s simpler to lead their populations by the nose, telling them what to think. For historical reasons, that idea has not appealed here for the past thirty years. That concept was dismantled along with the communist regime. That system, in which political actors told the population what to think, was destroyed along with the regime.
And still they say they don't understand us. Perhaps it doesn't suit them to understand us.
This dispute between the West and the East is part of a larger philosophical difference. At this point in time, it’s being played out as a dispute about liberal attitudes with a veil of financial dissent draped over it, but in reality, at the lowest level, this friction grows from a philosophical root.
Their logic is that we must be stupid. They are the self-appointed guardians of the truth and enlightenment. Orbán is obviously somehow stopping us from seeing this. Therefore, if Orbán can be pushed out of the way, then the emasculation can continue Eastwards.
They hate our Prime Minister, they hate our government, and their hatred is so all-consuming that they are unable to see past it. They cannot comprehend that we have a different opinion.
Why is it that we can’t see the truth as they see it? Why don’t we accept, without question, that they are better than us, know more than us, and understand things at a far deeper level than we can ever hope to? It must be the Prime Minister, blocking our view of the truth.
What is the underlying message of the EU and the liberal media? It's that they know what’s best for us. This is about nothing other than the West’s refusal to believe that the people of Central and Eastern Europe are anything less than sheep to be led by the light of a neon Coca-Cola sign. They did it to their own populations, and now it’s time for them to do it to us.
Cast your eyes over Western media, and you will see that our views matter nothing to them. We are infants to be scolded, toddlers to be reprimanded, children to be re-educated.
An outstanding example is the HARDtalk interview from 2001, where Tim Sebastian, as an angry, balding, bull terrier attacked, from the word go, the wife of Slobodan Milošević, Mirjana Marković. Sebastian behaved like a bull terrier on steroids. His message, the message of the BBC is clear: we have decided that you are nothing, and we will broadcast that message to the world. And Marković, for all her many, undoubtable sins, hits the nail on the head with her assessment of Sebastian: This is not an interview. Sebastian is not interested in answers to questions. This is character assassination on telly.
This is what the Western media do. This is what Western journalists have become: they are no longer journalists, but white knights. White knights ranging the globe, saving the world from what they have decided is bad.
The West don’t comprehend us. The West don’t comprehend why we don’t see things from their point of view. And, most importantly, the West don't care that they don't comprehend us. They've come to lead, not comprehend. They are, in their own, arrogant opinion, at the top of the tree; what's left for them to comprehend?
The media are told to let us know that we are fools. Fools until we fall into line. They're on a mission. An arrogant mission to break us and turn us into a copy of themselves.
We had our days of being re-educated…that’s what socialism was about. Thanks, but no thanks. Been there, done that.
We see what they want to do with us. We see what a mess they’ve made of their society. You don't like us? Fine. We don't necessarily like you. We don’t tell you on a daily basis that you’ve ruined your societies, do we? Manners dictate that you should stop telling us.
Oh, but of course, you don’t have any manners, do you, that much is obvious.
Surely it's time to decide; are you a journalist, or an angry dog?
Surely the time has come to restrain your arrogance, hasn’t it?